other places to find me:
my webpage
livejournal
crush chronicles

listen to me, i'm on the stereo:
get up and dance!
rawk!
scottish pride
(i think i'm obsessed with my cd burner)

links:
sarah
gleebs
jamie
matt(y)
goose
chrissy
tara
kitana
lannie
meghan
tavie
beth
allison
ryan
nicole
colleen
sam
refugee camp
matt
julie

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?

saturday, april 28
why is it telling me my login is incorrect...? oh well, i guess i'll just have to work on it when i get home tomorrow.


um...test.


or it could *post* now...


yaaaay it's working again! i am so excited....now off to go get ready for kristen's party. :o)


last night was fun. i talked to gleebs for a few hours online (occasionally disrupted by the evilness of aol, of course), and then i got off and watched my school's talent show from last year and this year's varsity vs. alumni basketball game. but i only watched the parts of the tape with sam on it. over and over. [g] and...now i'm up, and i have to find a ride to kristen's party for tonight. grrr....


friday, april 27
oh! i have something to say! today in english we had a test on the great gatsby (i never finished the book...oh well), so since my teacher is an idiot and has to cram in three books (along with like, a million vocab lessons) by the end of the school year, we got another book today: a streetcar named desire. it's PINK! therefore, i love it. even if there *is* a skanky woman on the cover. : Þ the other class got different versions, they have a very muscly man with no shirt on on the cover. i don't like muscly men. i don't like skanky women, either. so...other than the pinkness of the cover, i don't like it. [g]

and...now allison is telling me how pathetic i am because i said i can't believe i have to go all weekend without seeing sam. [g] i'm sorry, but i was kind of gyped out of two days of seeing him this week because i was trying not to like him. so i want those two days back this weekend! [g]

i am being very weird. allison had to leave, so i'm bored and just writing the incomplete thoughts that are in my head...perhaps it's better that they're never completed. [g]



weeeee! watch, now the other server will start working. : Þ anyway...i don't really have much to say. sign the guestbook telling me how happy you are that my webpage is working! [g]


test...?


oh how i wish my webpage worked. because everyone probably thinks i'm still on my hate sam strike. but i'm not. last night he made me laugh for hours on end (and it continued today...). remember my obsession with profiles? well i check his like, twenty times a day, and he changed it yesterday so under marital status it says "6.5' o germanlove who wants it?" so...in response, i wrote in mine: "i want 6.5' o germanlove :o)" me, obvious? no way. [g] well he'll probably never check it so it's not actually obvious. but *then*, beth made me a sign on the computer that's big rainbow letters that say, "*LYNNE WANTS GERMANLOVE*" and i printed it out and hung it in my locker today so he might see that. adam hart did today, because his locker's right next to mine and he was standing behind me, waiting to get to his locker. and he saw it. it was funny. i hope he's not german...but of course he also doesn't know i'm called lynne (everyone at school calls me christine...except for those certain teachers who call me chris) so he might think it's just random. [g]

so...yeah. i'm online. sam's not. he has a volleyball game. at old rochester. i'm friends with a girl who goes there. i wonder if she went to the game. she knows of my obsession (she went to one of his basketball games there to see him to make me jealous...). so she should go. but she also doesn't know that he's playing volleyball because i haven't seen her since it started.

i'm trying to not post as much while my server's broken...but i just can't live without my blogger! i'm sure this borders on the far side of pathetic, but i don't care. [g]



thursday, april 26
so. i'm at the school still, despite the fact that i was supposed to catch the late bus at 2:30 to go to the library. my mum still thinks i'm going there. hmm i should call her.

anyway...amy and i are staying here until band practice at six. our art teacher just left us in the computer lab all alone. he trusts us to leave when amy's thing prints out. it printed out almost as soon as he left. we're still here. we're probably going to be in here until six. [g] well no, i have to go call my mum. but whatever.

i wonder if my webpage is working yet...i can't look at it from the school computers. stupid school...

amy's singing, "i'm going psychooo....psychooo..." i'm stuck with her for the next three hours? greeeeat. [g] there's no volleyball practice today, so i can't go watch it. : ( that's completely not fair....i should go online and see if sam's on. he probably is, since i'm not. i wonder if i'll be allowed to sign onto instant messenger...i'm going to go try. weee!



wednesday, april 25
okay since nothing on my computer is deciding to work, i'm sitting here listening to a thirty second clip of pavement's "stereo" over and over and over again...because i can't find the whole song *anywhere*. if anyone knows where to get the whole song, please tell me! because i keep getting this one part stuck in my head and i want the whole thing.... "hi-ho stereo live... oh! listen to me! i'm on the stereo, stereo-ohhh..." and it's getting pretty pathetic. [g] i really need this cd, i think it's going to be the next cd i buy, but that won't be for a while still.

speaking of cds...(well, sort of but not really) miss mac, my history teacher last year and advisor for yai, told me that rufus (wainwright, of course) is in the newest issue of the advocate. so, instead of giving it to nate like she usually does, she's going to give it to me. nate got mad at me about this. [g]

oh the aids quilt (that is, part of it, since the whole thing is gigantic) is coming to our school tomorrow and friday. since i'm part of our school's gsa, i'm one of the special people who get to ditch class to "guard" it. so instead of going to study to see The Demonic One (or computer graphics to see sam), i will be sitting the the gym, watching a quilt. fun, really. actually, nate will probably join me so it'll be the two of us. sitting in the gym together. for fifty minutes. do they really trust us?

i have a test on vietnam tomorrow and i'm pretty sure i'm going to fail it, because i haven't studied at all and we had our review game yesterday and today and...i knew barely anything. our team did win, however, so i'm at least guaranteed to get five points on the test...but usually i spend the whole day before the test cramming for it. and i haven't even...looked for my book. i should go study now. instead of writing in a blog that doesn't work because MY SERVER BROKE!

plus, i can't get offline, because sam just came on. [g] okay...completely disregard everything i said about him in the last two days. because apparently, brian does not know how to tell a story. he tries to summarize, but...leaves out KEY DETAILS. so he tells the actually things sam said, but...not in the context they were said. and not only that, but brian told me the actual story today (no summary) and...he kind of told sam that i "flip out about him" a lot. no, he didn't kind of tell him. he said it DIRECTLY. and he didn't bother to tell me this until lunch today. when it happened second period monday. so *that's* why sam's been giving me weird looks lately...well, more weird looks than usual. [g]

and then there's jess....okay so this morning, i was walking down to her locker with her, and sam was walking maybe twenty feet in front of us, in the same direction. and she just randomly called out, "SAM!" like she does a lot when i'm with her. well then, she turned around and started talking to someone behind us! and sam turned around and gave *me* a weird look. because jess doesn't call out his name in her voice, she just does some random voice so he doesn't know it was her. and it's not the first time she's done it. oh no. and it's also not the first time she's done it when she coincidentally turns around to talk to someone else behind her when he turns around, so he gives me the weird look. but...whatever. i'm taking it all in stride.

and i'm still listening to this song. a lot. please help me, someone. [g]

oh, and i went to church tonight, and sam wasn't there. i didn't really expect it, since he had a game and all, but whatever. anyway...his family's obsessed with sandals. it's hilarious. really. i'd tell the whole story, but i should *really* go study for history now...hey! i don't think he ever gave us a study sheet! uh-oh....



tuesday, april 24
okay so...something's going on. i don't know what. hmm...well apparently my server's down. greeeat. um well....yeah. i don't really have anything to say. my mum just came home and turned off the last five minutes of angel....and it doesn't look like lindsey's going to be on the next episode. darn. well since i'm bored i'll show you (or not...) a conversation i had with allison today:
Drummergirl4000: u have odd songs
Angry Crouton: like what?
Drummergirl4000: like ALL OF THEM!
Drummergirl4000: hey! u got the theme to salute your shorts!
Drummergirl4000: that was the best show!
Angry Crouton: they're not weird...except for every single possible 80s tv theme song....[g]
Angry Crouton: it's an awesome song. [g]
Angry Crouton: but seriously....what songs are you saying are weird? i have led zeppelin and cream and the who and stuff...those aren't weird...
Drummergirl4000: ive never heard of most of those
Drummergirl4000: and if i have its because my parents listen to them!
Drummergirl4000: LoL thats cool though
Angry Crouton: yeah, nobody's ever heard of any of my music...it's all like, brit or canadian indie rock
Angry Crouton: but it's cool music. you should listen to it. :o)
Drummergirl4000: lol not my style hehe its cool if u like it though
Angry Crouton: well it *should* be your style

do i ever give up? no! but seriously, she needs severe educating in the ways of cool music....[g]



all it says is "Could not get input/output stream for: angrycrouton.bannerless.com" okay...mind explaining that one for me? please...?


okay, *why* is this not working? stupid computer....


mmmmm lindsey's hot. [g]

i'm watching angel. i'm talking about a guy here. just so you know. :o)

OH MY GOD HE'S SINGING!!!!!!!! heehee....although i really liked his hair like this more...

okay, now that i'm done acting like a teenybopper...onto my issues. yesterday i was being completely emotional and i needed sleep and i don't really know *what* was going on in my head...but i just talked things out with beth (she's so great!) and...i've decided to not give up on sam. not like i can help it, but whatever. [g] so...yeah. just so you know.



oh yes, and i got my prom ticket today. it's very sparkly. i love it. i think i would have bought a prom ticket just for the sparkles. if i had the money, that is. [g]


okay, today was much much better. i'm pretty sure i overacted a *lot* yesterday, i noticed this when i woke up this morning after a good night's rest. but i'm still trying to get over him. it's not easy, but i managed to not watch him a lot today. barely at all, really. actually, i didn't even watch him. i just noticed him a couple times. which is so much better than i thought i would do. i figured i would go to school, see him, and completely crumble.

and for once, fate seems to be working in my favour. well it's the same way it's always been, but now it's in my favour. because there was no volleyball practice today, so i wasn't tempted to watch him as i waited for my mum to pick me up. and then there's a game tomorrow, so that means he probably won't be going to church. so that's...good. i guess. this is still kind of new to me.

i realise that for a *long* time, i'm going to just act like i don't care either way about his existence but i'm really going to feel differently. while that happens, please excuse these rambles. yes. i'm going to go find something crunchy to eat now. i love crunchy food. i don't know. [g]



monday, april 23
well screw that...anyway, what i wrote before was something along the lines of this...

the profile obsession continues. this time, i wrote a note to sam in it. i doubt he'll read it, but i feel better knowing it's out there and not just in my head. this is what i wrote:

i really really like you, just in case you didn't know. well i just want to tell you that from now on i'm not going to live my life centred around you, i'm going to move on. i'm not going to be puzzled over the confusing things you do. i'm not even going to pay attention. if i see you coming down the hall, i won't pay you any more attention than i would any other random person, nor any less. you'll just be another face in the crowd, one that used to have meaning but i've moved on from.
that's exactly how i feel right now...or want to feel, at least. i want to send him an email saying that, but i know i don't have enough guts for *that*. so...that's the closest i'll come. maybe he'll get bored some day and be like, "hey i wonder what that psycho girl's profile says now" and he'll see it. maybe then he'll feel a little guilty.

but probably not, because i'll probably change it in the next twenty four hours.

good night...



um...yeah, i'd like my post to show up, please, mr. blogger.


okay so aol just officially died on me...my buddy list and ims are still working, but other than that i can't do anything. like, i can't click on anything on the tool bar or whatever, and i can't go to the internet....this sucks. seriously. the only reason i'm actually on here is i went on the regular internet. i'm clever. okay, not really. humour me. seriously.

so. i'm feeling better. a little. i indulged myself in a two hour nap (i think i really needed that, i got like four hours of sleep last night!) and then a bowl of mint chip ice cream....and now i feel better. a little. i'm healing. seriously. i think that i'm going to act like i don't care about him and maybe one day i'll wake up and it will be true. well it might not happen but it might. of course now i'm not looking forward to church on wednesday but whatever...i'm not going to have him change my life around just because he doesn't have a clue who i am. even though he's the reason i started going to church in the first place...he's only been there once in the four months i've gone, so it's okay. maybe he'll stop randomly going again. i'm saying this, but i'm not meaning it. i know that i'm going to get to school tomorrow and pay him more attention than i pay any other guy (except nate and brian, nate because he wasn't in school today so i haven't seen him since before vacation, and brian because he's just such a sweetie) and i'm going to read way too much into the things he does, and i'm going to be utterly confused by his actions again. but...that's my life. welcome to it.



okay so today was depressing. *very* depressing. i'm not talking your return-to-school-after-a-great-vacation depressing. i'm talking about the sam-has-no-clue-who-i-am depressing. brian was talking to him today and he (brian) was like, "hey do you know christine?" and sam said, "no..." but then he was like, "wait, is she the girl who always talks to me online about the who? yeah, we talk about boris the spider a lot." okay first of all, he doesn't even know who i am? second of all...we don't talk about the who online. we haven't talked about the who since like, october. and that wasn't online. there was that email i sent him about a week ago that talked about the who in it, but he never replied so i don't count that as a conversation. you know, conversations usually require at least two people conversing. and the *only* time we've talked about boris was the first day i met him, he was like, "do you like boris the spider?" and i said, "yeah, i was really upset that they didn't play it at the concert" and he said, "yeah, me too" and that was all...

and then he was in the foyer after school and i was talking to kristina, telling her my problems and he walked like seriously not even a foot away from me and i just said to kristina, "that's very evil" and she gave me a hug...but then she had to leave and i was working on my spanish homework but every time i looked up he was watching me....which annoys me. so incredibly much.

and then there's jess...for months she's been telling me that i need to get over him because he's ignorant and mean and all this other stuff, she was even saying it this morning when i was saying that i was so excited to see him again (i went *early* to see him!) but then this afternoon i told her that she had to help me get over him and she's like, "well he's not really *that* bad, he's actually sweet a lot of times..." i don't understand her.

so...yeah. as much as i was confused before, i'm a thousand times more confused. because he's apparently confusing me with someone else, or making up conversations with me (i thought *i* was the one who did that...), or thinks the christine online is someone completely different from the christine from spotlight...but that can't be possible because i was talking to him about church and spotlight and stuff. so...i don't know. and jess isn't helping.



oh, yeah. we have french students at our school today (part of the exchange program) and danielle has both her student and kristina's, since kristina is on a field trip today, and kristina's person (her name's bea, but not pronounced "bee", it's actually like "bay-ah") already knows me, and...i'm pretty sure she thinks i'm insane. [g] but...that would be the majority of the people in the world, right? today before homeroom sam kept looking at me and i know he must have been like, "look there's that psycho girl who sends me weird emails..." i was going to talk to him actually but he was with a bunch of people i don't know and that intimidated me. heck, him actually *looking* at me intimidates me....


i'm in computer graphics again...but really study. right? exactly. anyway....i've seen sam. a lot. so i'm happy. i actually came to school early today so i could see him. how pathetic is that? seriously. [g] anyway...i'm pretty sure my teacher knows that i come down here not to work on computer graphics (since i'm almost done with the project) but to come use the internet. oh well, he loves me. :o) but seriously, whenever he comes over to check on my work i'm just pointlessly clicking with some random tool on my project. haha...yeah i'm bored. it's either this or sit in study with The Demonic One and without nate (he didn't come to school today...he's going to get suspended!). that sounds like fun, huh? well i'm going to go now...maybe i'll write something of interest later. don't count on it, though. [g]


sunday, april 22
there. no more evil history reports for the rest of the semestre. possibly for the rest of my high school career, since i'm almost definitely not taking history next year. awww yeah, baby! [g]


i finished my essay!!!!!!!!

...now i just have to type it up. and figure out what order the paragraphs go in, because i don't write them in order. i am very unorganised. [g]



i *am* eventually going to finish my report. it's not my fault my family keeps leaving me home alone with a free computer...[g]

but seriously, i almost am finished. i'm like, half done with the synopsis. yay!

...now back to it. grrrr.



report progress: i'm almost done! i had to do six things, and i only have one left!

...did i mention that one thing is the longest one, three pages? everything else is only a paragraph or two...but still, it's a synopsis of the book. it can't be too hard, seeing how i did read the book and all (unlike last semestre's report [g]). today i was supposed to be working on it but i was laying down on my bed, sprawled across it really, with my face smushed in my pillow, which was over my papers. and i had my pen in my hand (i got a new one [g]). and my mum came in and was like, "what are you doing?" and i said, "working on my report" and she said, "oh." haha....and then she left! she's so psycho...



and i have a headache. greeeat.


history report progress: one paragraph and a sentence. and then my pen died.

i'm getting to be like sarah when she writes an essay. [g]



uuugh i just woke up...i got like, six hours of sleep. and now i have to go write a history report. not good. and i don't feel like writing it, so i'm on here. but...i probably should. because instead of a dream about sam like i usually have, i dreamed about going to school tomorrow and not handing in my history report. i want my sam dreams back!

it appears that i still need sleep...



i really am eventually going to bed. seriously. i...just don't know when. [g]


now i'm off to go call ticketmaster for my mum...she woke up and came out here like twenty minutes ago and gave me "the look" (you know, the one that says, "oh my god my child is insane...") and then she was like, "*who* are you talking to?" and i just said, "beth" and...she went back in her room. [g]


my neck hurts.


i will eventually stop blogging and get offline...


skank-erific!

we definitely need sleep...



i just remembered that i can't sleep all day today because i still have to write my history report. this is bad.


good night. oh look, there's the sun...[g]


do you realise how weird i am feeling right now? i wrote this to beth: i think. i'm not sure. do i think? i don't know. if i knew, then i would think because i would be able to think to know.

of course, then there are both of us...

PaulMcCGrl: hahahaha sam is going to worship you too... [g]
Angry Crouton: yes he is. it's all part of my majour plan
Angry Crouton: ...i don't really know what my majour plan is. i just know that it involves you and sam worshipping me. [g]
PaulMcCGrl: haha... you're evil. no wait, you can't be cause you're holy. i think you are both. [g]
Angry Crouton: i have split personalities!

and now i have that who song stuck in my head....the one from quadrophenia...can't think of the name right now. i don't think i can think at all. i think. i'm not sure. do i think? i don't know. if i knew, then i would think because i would be able to think to know.

yes. i should stop this now.



i had another dream about sam yesterday morning. we were at recess, or something, which is weird because we don't have recess (i haven't had it since fifth grade...). well he was playing some weird basketball game (always basketball [g]) where it was a group of people in a circle and they just kept passing it to each other. but apparently it was a game, because by the end of the dream only four people were left. or something. i don't know. i don't know what was so challenging about it. [g]

anyway, i was with my friend...i don't know who it was. just some random person. and we were sitting down at a table, playing a board game (oh yeah, this was inside....?). but then we randomly got up and started running around the room (it was sort of a huge room) and i cut right through sam's basketball game and he was just standing there, watching me, and apparently he missed his turn or something because he left the game.

but then my friend...disappeared. [g] and i was sitting back down at the board game and sam came over to me and we were talking...and then he asked me to go to the movies with him sometime. but by the time i got to this part, he had evolved (?) into a cute indie rock boy. i think it might have been this really cool freshman. or he could have just been a random indie rock boy. [g] but anyway...i woke up with a feeling of contentment. and then i realised it was a dream. : Þ



hm...maybe i should go to bed now. because, you know, my brother will be getting up soon...[g] i just finished a *really* long email to beth. like, you don't even know how long. it took *forever* to send it. and it's going to take her forever to read it....but then she can stay up past four in the morning reading it, because she's in a different time zones. oh, might i add that we're both online, talking to each other right now, yet we keep sending each other emails? we're such dorks. [g]


this told me i'm an idealist. of course, i already knew that before, but whatever. [g] if you want to see what exactly an idealist is, go read sam's blog. (note: this is not the sam i'm completely in love with. although, i wouldn't mind him...[g])


haha...you know how i mentioned that i'm obsessed with profiles? well, mine's always full of hints to sam. but i think this is pretty obvious...

Member Name: christine. lynne. boris girl. i am a curtie with beth!
Location: let's go away for a while, you and i, to a strange and distant....engerland!
Sex: Female
Marital Status: looking for a prom date...*HINT*
Hobbies: listening to music (mainly brits and canucks), obsessing over raft-boy, playing flute and clarinet in marching band, playing with stray cats that come to my doorstep, working on my webpage, accidentally stalking The Demonic One at best buy...oops!
Computers: are evil.
Occupation: i'm a rock & roll star
Personal Quote: "awww someone's got a crusshhh!"-kristina (she's so observant...) there are many things that i would like to say to you but i don't know how-oasis (11 june!) *i saw your eyes and you made me smile and for a little while i was falling in love*

um...think he'll catch on? probably not, because he's dumb like that. but maybe, just maybe...[g]

ooh, beth's on! yay! [g]