my webpage
livejournal
crush chronicles
listen to me, i'm on the stereo:
get up and dance!
rawk!
scottish pride
(i think i'm obsessed with my cd burner)
links:
sarah
gleebs
jamie
matt(y)
goose
chrissy
tara
kitana
lannie
meghan
tavie
beth
allison
ryan
nicole
colleen
sam
refugee camp
matt
julie
*wonders silently who this "you" is, since surely nobody actually reads this, but that's okay.*
and...now back to bagpipes.
wow. i didn't think i'd remember quite that much. anyway, the point was that i know i taped it. so where is it? i could've sworn i marked the tape. but...i probably didn't. because i'm brilliant like that.
i need sleep. i also need more grape soda.
and i have to get up at noon to call nate. do you think i'll make it? he'll probably end up asking me to go to the movies with him and i'll fall asleep during it. he thinks i'm very sleep deprived. actually, he gets less sleep than i do. it just...doesn't seem like it, because he can go forever without sleep and if i miss my afternoon nap i'm dead (i'm serious).
well back to going through my tapes and watching insomniac music theatre occassionally. i've already seen travis' "sing" once, maybe they'll play it again in an hour or so. :o)
and yet despite all my conflicting feelings, i've been playing matchmaker between them, to no effect (the cookout wednesday, he spent more time paying attention to me than to her...) and when erica said they were going to the movies tomorrow (which ended up getting cancelled because her mum randomly took them to nj tonight) i got...really upset. i don't know.
so...i don't know. i mean, i *do* like nate, otherwise i wouldn't be such great friends with him. but i don't like him like that. i just like having a guy friend that i can be really close to, because i've never had one before. and...i don't want to ruin that.
but then there's this other side of me that says what we have is special and it can become even more special than a random crush because we *are* so close and i should go for it....
and then there's erica. when i read her email saying she couldn't go to the movies with him tomorrow i...was happier than i should have been.
and if i'm seemingly so against them going out (even though *he* doesn't know she wants it to be a date) why do i keep supporting it?
i...don't like nate. i know that. i just don't know if it's going to *turn* into liking him. i mean he's funny and sweet and dorky and...we get along so well. i don't know how i can *not* fall for him. but i haven't...yet.
and erica...our level of communication isn't all that great. she doesn't understand anything about what's going on with sam, even though i spend hours talking to her about it. so...i would feel...awkward telling her about my confusion.
i think i might subconsciously like him. i mean, why would all of this bother me if i didn't? but...i don't want to admit it. because if i do then it'll just be more problems, if only for me because i'll constantly be thinking of how i'm acting around him and stuff.
and it doesn't help that my thoughts contradict each other every 4.2 seconds. would someone like to counsel me?
Angry Crouton: oh that's cool
Angry Crouton: you're not going to get anywhere if you don't say anything
photoofmyself: i am very confused but also very happy. it is weird, i've been weird today. also i got like no sleep last nite so that further makes me spacey
photoofmyself: i realise that
Angry Crouton: so why don't you say anything?
photoofmyself: now how many times did i tell u that
Angry Crouton: but this is different, you actually *talk* to nate
Angry Crouton: and...he's not a jerk
photoofmyself: yeah i know
why do i continue to support this? it's just making me more and more sad.
monkbeatlv: and you know how boycrazy i am. i need a guy. [g]
photoofmyself: yeah well i don't know what to suggest.
monkbeatlv: FIND ME ONE
monkbeatlv: heehee
photoofmyself: well
photoofmyself: u realise u can't have nate
monkbeatlv: i don't want nate
photoofmyself: goody
monkbeatlv: lol
monkbeatlv: what if i did?
photoofmyself: well i'm not going to say it wouldn't irritate me, it would. but i wouldn't get angry w/ u or NEthing.
monkbeatlv: well...i don't. so rest easy.
and now my "stalker" just imed me...boys everywhere, i either can't have them/don't want them/don't know what to think.
photoofmyself: boys r dumb
monkbeatlv: yep
photoofmyself: yep
monkbeatlv: Drummergirl4000: all guys are stupid!
monkbeatlv: my conversations just seem to go in circles...
yes, i'm in a very scottish mood. i want to go there and visit my crazy great-aunt peggy that i've heard so much about. supposedly i'm just like my aunt helen (which i am), who's supposedly just like her. it's this one person in every generation of our family. it's so great.
i know my dad used to have a cd of bagpipe music somewhere. i wonder where it is now...if we still have it even. everyone underestimates the power of the bagpipes. they are awesome.
see, erica has a little crush on nate. and i don't really care about that. well, i think it's cool. the thing is, i don't have a problem with it. the thing is, i'm torn. since i'm one of the few special people who know about her crush, i have to give her advice on what to do. i was also stuck trying to play matchmaker yesterday. but the other side is, nate seems to really really really like me (erica kept saying this all day yesterday and although i wouldn't admit it to her, it does seem to be true) and if he does something, then i might be hurting erica. but erica won't put herself out in the open, so nate has absolutely no idea how she feels. and i don't know what to do about the whole thing.
luckily, nate seems to sense that i am in no way ready for another lead guy in my life. he's just sitting back, waiting for me to get completely over sam. seeing him still makes me upset. and until i get over that...i won't be ready for anything. and...at least nate's the smartest guy i know, so he senses it. but it's still...i don't know. confusing? requiring too much thought? i don't even know.
sorry for the jumbled thoughts, my brain isn't really working, i've only been awake for an hour. i hope at least some of this made sense.
Congratulations, you diva, you! If your life was a movie it would be ...now...that wasn't much of a surprise, was it?
Fatal Attraction
Year of Release: 1987
Most Memorable Quote: "Well, what am I supposed to do? You won't answer my calls, you change your number. I mean, I'm not gonna be ignored, Dan!" --Alex Forrest (Glenn Close)Obsession: The extreme scenario of obsessive love has been depicted in movies like Fatal Attraction. But the real meaning of the story is almost always misunderstood. The obsessive lover's problem isn't loving too much (as it's sometimes portrayed) but rather hating too much, and trying to disguise and escape from her rage.
Many people experience romantic obsessions at some point in life, but this occurs most often in youth, when a sense of identity and boundaries is not highly developed. The loss of a lover with whom you have merged your identity makes you feel totally annihilated. This feels unbearable, which is why an obsessive lover hangs on to a beloved as if he or she were hanging on to life. Some young people outgrow this pattern when their identity solidifies -- a romantic rejection is then less devastating. Other people repeat the story to greater and greater extremes. They are the full-fledged obsessive lovers.
Of all the seven stories, this one is the hardest to bring to a happy conclusion unless the lover changes herself -- by finding a way to gain self-esteem that doesn't depend on merging with a lover, and then needing to control him.
thank you, aol, for reminding me exactly why i haven't celebrated this day in so many years.
i was at a who concert. and so was sam. bleh. he ruins memories that never were.
i got disney pictures back today, i have about one roll scanned in so as soon as i finish with the others i'll put them up here. yay. there are some classics. and some direct examples as to why marching band should not be allowed to have free time. all in all, a great time for everyone (except possibly parents...i told my mum that she had to be warned that she might get a little disturbed if she looked at them). so i'll get back to scanning those.
Your husband's name is mr. norway and you have 6432 children. You're a junkie who drives to work every day in a dark brown dump truck.i think you need more than a shack to survive in the yukon...It's truly a wonderful life when you consider the countless romantic nights you have spent with mr. norway in your shack in the yukon.
Your husband's name is pat and you have 6432 children. You're a tourist who drives to work every day in a deep blue nsyncmobile woohoo.*this* one is truly the life, though.It's truly a wonderful life when you consider the countless romantic nights you have spent with pat in your shack in engerland!.
Your husband's name is mr. norway and you have 64 children. You're a tourist who drives to work every day in a deep blue trolley.aww yeah. i want my own trolley! :o)It's truly a wonderful life when you consider the countless romantic nights you have spent with mr. norway in your house in scotland.
Your husband's name is mr. norway and you have 23 children. You're a bum who drives to work every day in a rainbow trolley.since when do bums drive to work? and i find it extremely amusing when i say "the norway guy from disney" and half the people know exactly who i'm talking about. "the gorgeous one at the end of the water ride, right?" they say. exactly! and here i thought he was a well-kept secret...darn.It's truly a wonderful life when you consider the countless romantic nights you have spent with mr. norway in your mansion in the yukon.
but...i'm also eating a klondike bar so there's not much you can say for me. :o)
Your husband's name is smelly old bum and you have 23 children. You're a roadie who drives to work every day in a greenish purple rat infested heap of junk.
It's truly a wonderful life when you consider the countless romantic nights you have spent with smelly old bum in your shack in scotland.
and he got a question about what very tall and skinny people are commonly referred to or something (the answer was "all legs"). grrr not fair.
so to take my mind of this...some things about the trip, as asked by erica.
photoofmyself: what was the best thing and the worst thing and the funniest and most bizarre/gross/weird or *just wrong* thing?
monkbeatlv: um...the best thing was...okay, magic kingdom, the day of the parade. we had about two hours to walk around and shop and stuff before we had to get ready for the parade, so the five of us (me, kristina p., laura, jenna, and steph) went into a little quiet shop to get a map and we open it up and...SCREAM. because the band was in the map! it said "wed at 2:30pm dighton-rehoboth regional hs falcon marching band, north dighton ma" and we flipped out [g]
photoofmyself: worst thing
monkbeatlv: um...at the waterslide park i got separated from my group (laura kristina and jenna ran ahead of us and lost us) and then i got lost entirely and i didn't know what time it was because kristina and laura had the waterproof watches, so i ended up being at the check in spot fifteen minutes late and all the chaperones were pissed at us...which was really bad. but then we explained everything and they were like, 'well as long as you're here and okay' except for mrs. connors who was really mad at me like, the entire next day...so that was bad
monkbeatlv: and in the meantime i chatted with a hot british guy named michael [g]
photoofmyself: what was the umm funniest?
monkbeatlv: the funniest...umm...oh we had epasses for magic kindgom the last night, so we got to stay after the park closed and stuff, and we went on splash mountain a couple of times, the whole boat filled with band people (seven or eight of us) and the last time we went on it, we wanted to do something different for the picture they take, so we all decided to pray and look all serious and stuff. it was so great! and then the haunted mansion was funny too, we went in at exactly midnight and there was the butler guy who *completely* freaked kelly out and he was hot and funny and it was great
photoofmyself: and the weirdest/most wrong thing?
monkbeatlv: the weirdest thing was definitely that guys kept hitting on me. [g] and the most wrong thing was when i caught janet looking down kristina's shirt on the bus and richie confronted him about it and he even admitted to it
photoofmyself: whys it weird guys were hitting on u?
photoofmyself: that is just wrong
photoofmyself: i agree
monkbeatlv: because...guys just don't hit on me. it's an accepted fact. nobody *should* hit on me
photoofmyself: lol
monkbeatlv: it *is* wrong! and caryn and laura got wicked mad at him because he was hitting on like every single girl in the band the entire trip, laura just wanted to go up to him and punch him in the face, and...everyone was completely hating him
so...those were the highlights of my trip, in condensed form. more later, i'm sure.
christine, your New Beetle is the TDI
It's time to head up to the mountains in your automotive alter ego, the New Beetle TDI. Can't you see yourself heading off into the wilderness, under a starry sky, with some of your closest friends? And don't you worry about clogging the air, because your VW special combustion system is friendly to Mother Earth. And just like you, it's got stylish, new millennium looks with the inner power to back it up. In other words, the New Beetle TDI is totally you—representing that harmonious balance between retro cool and happy hippy sensibilities. Maybe you're busy making waves at work, but when it comes to just relaxing all the weekend long, all you need for a good time are some good friends and some wide open country. It embodies your true self—environmentally friendly, classic, and oh-so-cool.
Say what? Your superpower is ANIMAL COMMUNICATION! Many people pretend to talk to their pets, but you can really, truly do it. Have you ever mimicked the monkeys or the penguins at the zoo? If you have, you're on your way to becoming a great animal communicator, just like Aquaman with his fishy friends. Some people think animal communication has to be vocal. Not so. Any superhero knows that mental telepathy is where it's at. So while barking at Fido might be fun, it's not the practice you really need. Instead, try thinking like an animal. When you get into the mindset of, say, a squirrel, you'll be able to truly communicate with one. Of course it's a two way street, because you'll be able to understand everything they say back, too. And they've got a lot to tell! Imagine talking to a walrus about the deep ocean or to an ant about life underground. Once you've perfected your superhuman gift, you'll never be without interesting conversation.
christine, your Celebrity Look is the Casual Look
Forget fussy routines and beauty salons, you're all about the Casual Look. For you, a freewheeling, low-maintenance lifestyle is a simple virtue. Your sporty look comes complete with natural, feminine charm and a cute, sun-kissed glow that speaks volumes about your healthy approach to life. For you, looking good is never a chore, it just comes naturally. Your spontaneous side is always open to new adventures, so your look is always good to go. Something fun, like worn jeans and a sexy cotton tank top, is just your speed. For makeup, it's nothing too fancy—maybe some sheer gloss and light mascara to give you that last-minute pulled-together look. And like all those famously casual girls next door, Meg Ryan, Renee Zellweger, and Sandra Bullock, your relaxed look is sure to turn a few heads wherever you go.
in the past twenty-four hours, i've gotten nineteen hours of sleep. last night i went to bed at five for a "nap" (i was reading and was tired and was like, 'oh i'll get up in a few hours and continue reading' but that didn't happen) and woke up at eight this morning...but i thought it was still night. haha.
and of course, the twenty-four hours before that, i got...three hours of sleep. yeah. vacations are great.
i will write about it sometime. right now i'm either going to go take a shower so i can go to my neighbour's cookout, or i'm going to go back to sleep. i'm still very dizzy, but i don't know if it's from lack of sleep, too much sleep in too little amount of time, or i have that stupid dizzy sickness again. i don't know.